


seasons of love

by parkers



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, POV Alternating, Third Years, captain tsukki and vp yams yeaaa, time skip, warning: fucked up the japanese school yr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:19:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkers/pseuds/parkers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>two years and four seasons later, tsukishima and kageyama try to make something new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	seasons of love

it’s autumn when you meet the king of the court again.

in front of the gym that you know too well, he stands in front of you with longer hair and a softer face. with hands resting by his sides, with an open expression.

the sky is blue, the trees are golden and red, and you are still trying to forget.

“tsukishima,” he says. slow and casual.

“kageyama,” you respond. slow and casual.

there’s no rush. inside, you can already hear the squeak of shoes and the bump of balls and faint talking – you’re not exactly early; there was no rush to get here. all you did was ignore the humming of desire in your blood and the tapping of your heart against your skin.

you can’t pretend that you haven’t missed this, after all.

“this is our last year of playing for karasuno,” he starts, and his hand twitches. “so. let’s win. again.”

“we just met after not seeing each other for the entire summer, and that’s the first thing you say to me?” you scoff, shove your hands in your pockets. “of course, king.”

you’re not the first-year you used to be, and the way you say “king” has changed too. it rolls off your tongue like a well-worn nickname, without malice or bitterness.

kageyama’s not the first-year he used to be, and the way he reacts to the name has changed too. instead of snapping back, he lets out a short breath, looks away, and does nothing more. “congratulations. on being captain.”

you want to thank him, but you hold it back. “okay.” slow and casual.

he looks away, then returns his gaze to you. “let’s go.” he turns around, starts forwards.

“i don’t need you to say that,” you say sharply as you follow him inside.

 

you get ten first years this year, a number you never imagined, but it’s only understandable. karasuno’s a powerhouse school now, ever since they’ve beaten their way to the number one spot in nationals.

we, you remind yourself. ever since we beat our way.

 

you still feel a hole in yourself, the one that gnawed at you ever since you were a first year, but you’re finally feeling more whole. more complete. you’ve let go of your toxic bottle of jealousy and disappointment drift into the ocean and far away from you.

 

this year has to be a good year.

 

tadashi’s your vice-captain, hinata’s your ace, yachi’s your manager, but kageyama still remains outside of your grasp. you can never know what to do with him, never can pin him down.

 

“captain,” they call you. your first-year self would have thought it was a joke. you, being captain of karasuno? ridiculous. but here you are, shouting out “don’t mind”s and “good job”s.

it’s a new feeling.

 

kageyama seems tenser than usual. sometimes, you’re taking a break and turn to see him frowning at you. other times, he stops abruptly when you’re talking and leaves. it only makes sense though. it’s your last year, and he’s bound to be upset.

you’re leaving soon, and you know that, as you watch brown and red and orange and yellow run into winter.

 

* * *

 

tsukishima just doesn’t get it, you think with a scowl.

he can’t hear the quickening beat of your heart, nor see the way your face turns warm under his gaze. he doesn’t notice the way you almost reach out for him when he leaves your side, the way your eyes follow his movements.

it’s not like you’re trying to show him, not like you’re trying to catch his attention, it just – happens. and it completely infuriates you that you’re some kind of slave to his whims.

hinata knows, yachi knows, yamaguchi knows; hell, even most of the second and first years have caught on already. everyone but tsukishima fucking kei.

you want to rub your fist in his face; you want to kiss him. you want to never see him again; you want to hold his hand.

 

you used to hate him, you think. you used to hate him, but, as fate would have it, your feelings have spun around and around until you’re not sure of anything anymore.

 

the interhigh approaches, and you train as hard as ever.

last year to win.

 

the weather gets colder and colder, but you, being you, leave your jacket in a classroom. halfway through practice, you really start feeling the chill, enough that hinata screams when he touches his fingers to yours.

yamaguchi volunteers tsukishima to accompany you back, looking pleased when he agrees, albeit with loud protests and grumbles. you remind yourself to do something about yamaguchi’s attitude when you get back, if you’re still alive.

you try to focus on something other than your flushed cheeks, the way he tries to make small talk with you, his languid walk. you’ve known him for two years now, yet your heart still jumps up when he’s really looking at you with those dim, bright eyes.

on the bright side, you’re close to freezing to death.

you reach the classroom after an infinity of awkward silences, but, when you try to twist the handle of the classroom door, all you get is a shaky rattle.

“are you fucking kidding me,” you say flatly as you try again. “oh god.”

“let me try,” tsukishima says. your numb mind barely registers the brush of elbows as you step back and watch him fail. “well. this is unexpected.”

“i’m going to actually freeze to death.” you exhale palely, lament the fact that you’re pathetically shivering next to _him_ , out of all people, and wait for death.

tsukishima sighs, rubs the back of his neck, then, to your surprise, begins to shrug off his jacket.

“hey, what the hell are you doing!”

“there’s no need to sound so angry, king.” tsukishima frowns, hands you his jacket. “i have an extra sweater in my bag back at my gym. no worries.”

you take it slowly, then grudgingly put in on. it’s such a relief to have something this warm and comfortable. without realizing, you relax.

“you might want to say thank you.”

“just shut up,” you retort, and, for a moment, you’re both first years again, sharp comment after comment stabbing at each other.

if only, if only.

 

and of course it’s him who stands in the door of the locker rooms when you’re holding back tears, holding back a scream.

last round of interhigh semifinals, lost to datekou, the iron wall. you’re upset, but even more, you’re immensely frustrated. your mind grabs on what could have been, how you could have done this to be so much better.

it’s so overwhelmingly _unfair_.

you don’t hear him walk to you, but you do feel the hand on your shoulder.

you flinch, hastily smear your eyes on your shirt, and look up. “tsukishima.”

“kageyama.”

“alright, what the fuck do you want?” it hurts too much to look at him, so you stare at your worn-out hand instead. the hand you use to play volleyball, the hand you need, the hand that failed you.

“believe it or not, some people also want to sit in a locker room by themself,” tsukishima says. you don’t see it, but you can hear it, the tightness in his body. “believe it or not, we have to go and –” his voice breaks off. you look back at him. you’d think he was crying, if your vision wasn’t blurry with your own tears.

“i hate you,” you choke out, your hand grabs the fabric of his uniform, twists it in your grip.

“i hate you too.”

 

* * *

 

in spring, college creeps up behind you, throws its arms around your neck, and tugs insistently for an answer. “come on, tsukishima kei, where do you want to go?”

 

you’re not sure where you want to go. you’re – still trying to find your way. what to do for the rest of your life, what to do?

you’ve got good grades, passable achievements, and a strong enough personality, but you hold all of it cluelessly in your hands. once again, you’re your first-year self, passive and bitter.

you don’t know, just don’t know anything.

the rest of the third years seems to have it figured out, but you, always being late to realize anything, waste the rest of your short time watching others, watching them leave you behind.

 

even kageyama, that bastard, seems to know what he’s doing.

 

like every karasuno third year, you stay with the team up until the spring high. practice is brutal, and you always stay after practice. nights turn into frantic study sessions, cramming knowledge into your brain and hoping that, with the few hours of sleep you get, it’ll be okay.

you want it to be okay.

it’s okay.

 

kids still try to ask you out, like they’ve always tried, but you just can’t say yes. not even under the pink flowers nor the clear sky nor the setting sun.

it’s just not it.

kageyama runs into one of your incidents by accident once, while you face a second-year: hibiki hajime, trembling ball of nerves.  

before you speak, you happen to catch his eye, balk for a second, then recover. you have no idea what he’s doing here, lurking in the background like some vengeful spirit  – well, if he didn’t look like a deer caught in the headlights.

none of it matters. it’s not like he doesn’t know about your popularity; it’s not going to change anything between you two.

“so, uh, it’s just that right now, i’m not really interested in love and all,” you say slowly.

your first-year self would have dropped the truth and left, but not anymore. not anymore.

“i’m leaving this school soon, after all, and it’s not something in my mind. nothing personal, just that. so, that’s that.”

hibiki nods, to your relief, quickly apologizes, and runs off without listening to any more words you have left to say.

by this time, kageyama has already left, off to who knows where. you hope he doesn’t make it awkward between the two of you. that’s not what you want, not at all.

 

“what do you think of him?” yachi asks, looking expectantly at you with her starry eyes. you glance down at her  – when did you grow so tall? – and frown. “of kageyama, i mean,” she adds.

“i know,” you say, but not harshly.

“so, what is it?” you pause, confused.

“what are you trying to get me to say? i mean, i suppose he’s okay. he still needs to work on his attitude and his grades.”

yachi sighs. “nothing more?”

“uh, he also needs to work on his video game skills.”

“is that just it?”

“yachi, what are you trying to get out of me? that i like him?” you frown. of course you’re on better terms with everyone now, way better than since you were a first year, but this isn’t news. does she want to embarrass you? “sure, whatever. just don’t say it to his face.”

yachi sighs again. “never mind.”  

“no, really, what is it?”

“i really, really can’t believe you!”

try as you might, you fail to get anything more out of her.

 

you’re ready when the spring high comes, a rush of cheering and sweat and, you can't believe it, _fun_.

 

he tosses to you, and you, tsukishima kei, you  – win the spring high.

for a second all you can hear is the pounding of blood in your eyes. for a second, you don’t breathe, just watch the ball hit the floor.

then the screaming and the cheering starts, and all you can think is you did it, you’ve done the impossible.

he tossed to you, and you can’t express how much that means to you; when you turn around to thank him, all you can do is shout some unintelligible garble.

somehow, it clears up into words. “we did it, _we did it!"_  you’re ecstatic, you’re out of your mind with excitement.

before you know it, you’re running, grabbing him by the shoulders, shaking him frantically.

“kageyama tobio, you fucking, you’re  –” and before you realize it, you’ve got your hands on his cheeks.

your eyes sweep over his face. he’s almost smiling, almost crying, a mouth open but no words coming out it.

“come on, say something, king.” you laugh. behind you, you can hear hinata screaming, tadashi shouting something, yachi giggling, and the rest of your team completely losing whatever semblance of calm they had.

“we did it,” he says quietly, and you nod frantically.

“yes, we did!” your face is flushed and so is his. you’re close enough to brush noses. in the giddiness, in the euphoria, you stop thinking, and oh hell, oh fuck, you stop caring when you kiss kageyama tobio in front of everyone to see.

 

* * *

 

 

the summer heat makes you tired, so you lean back into tsukishima’s lean profile. his bed is soft and makes you want to fall asleep.

“the king can’t handle a little sun?” he says, amused.

“a little sun? this is the kind of temperature that we could use to fry eggs on the sidewalk.”

tsukishima opens his mouth to say something, then thinks better of it. almost unconsciously, he draws his fingers through your hair.

it’s embarrassingly relaxing.

your mind wanders, remembers a certain incident in the spring. you hadn’t meant to walk in on the incident, but it certainly made its impression on you, kept you away from making any moves.

“so, i thought you weren’t interested in love,” you say cautiously.

tsukishima frowns, confused, until he remembers. “oh, _that_.” his voice grows thick with embarrassment. “well, i’m not sure. i’m still trying to figure it out.” he coughs, looks away. “it’s hard to describe it. i still don’t know this feeling, you know? i’m just going with the flow, and what’s coming up. i’m just. i, uh –”

“alright,” you say. “i’m good with that.”

“thanks for giving me time.”

“sure.”

and it’s awkward, but it’s sweet, and it’s more than you thought you’d ever get.

none of you have figured _anything_ out, not college nor love lives nor futures, but it’ll work out, maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> [EDIT: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT THE JAPANESE SCHOOL YEAR STARTS IN THE SPRING I CAN't BELIEVE I FORGOT FUCK]
> 
> captain tsukki is so important!!!!!!!! also i hope i didn't write him too ooc... i think he'd change a lot?? esp in his last year?? after being more immersed in the team and more considerate of others? 
> 
> (lmao [julie](http://dorkeyama.tumblr.com)... i actually made that my title...)
> 
>  
> 
> hit me up @ [my tumblr](http://kash1ma.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> thanks for reading!!


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